Sent-Off

They say: Speak up when angry and you will make the best speech ever. In my angst I write, because by the time I realize, am left with none to spit out. A few favor me by choosing soft option: It’s much easier to write when you’re sad. But you can end up isolated and depressed because you almost need to put yourself in that situation to have that angst to write from.

Feelings are meant to be shown and advertised rather than hiding ‘em out in your local.

Oh wait!

Is that the reason why my posts are so outrageous? No wonder none ever remarked even a single one as commendable! Normally, I don’t have much to complain about, just these existential angst, sometimes.

Apparently, I do have that want for writing, but freshly have nothing to write about. Past few days months have been utterly on my nerves. Waved bye to my close friend best friend boy friend yesterday and got fed up of goodbyes, which are over-flooded with unusual realizations and left upon theories. And unlike other times, the feeling was incomplete with a complete ‘nothingness’.

People say speak up when you hold up the chance. I believe I never stood a chance… in fact I’m so full of waving that I actually waved my damned chance off. Off to the cliff of my dreams. Well, this is what I actually wanted and well deserved.

“Oh! Really? Don’t you believe twas all you were actually scared of?” My soul questioned me.

“Come’ on, don’t forget I still hold the unbeatable record of missing god damn busses!”

“Yaah right! and YOU happen to know it very well too that you miss ‘em purposely for that extra iota of sleep!”

“Fun lies in not catching, but letting them wait.”

“Well then ‘deserved’ is that the word you choose for your ownself?”

“Ah! Don’t even go there! My diseased condition have been proved by many as ‘Much adoe about nothing’ thingy.”

“Sacrifice? Is that to decipher?”

“In any case, it’s never been easy!”

After some more such catharsis, I blanked out by barmy goose pimples. Screwy of being gazed up by those feelings, some told, some untold, some felt and some cracked… feelings that kept on stalking me over.

–

Art is not only about angst.

And so not my writings as well.

BUZZ? Bee it!

“Relation?” “Naeh!” “Oh then Relations?” one of my friend asked me lately.

“Why, necessary?” I raised an eyebrow. “Why everything has to start or end with a name?”

“Because we all are F’ed up culturally!” It cracked him instantly.

“Obviously I was there, once or twice, but being friend!”

“No, you can’t have your own terms in any relationship, be it friendship or anything!”

The most hackneyed theory ‘Hence proved’ again! Still stale!

 All I’m interested to know is why these so called people can’t see my point of view for their so called “love”. Let’s confirm.

Receiving respect is one thing I crushingly respect. Art of talking grabs it all. One should unquestionably master it. Not everyone is an artist I agree, but you know speech isn’t rare either, don’t you?

To be an emotional tag which people carry along everywhere is certainly not me. Firstly I can’t pitter-patter whole day on cell phones. But I would love to hear cheesy stuffs. Secondly I admit that everyone has sentiments, but none can tie you emotionally until you want them to. Why to cling then?

I believe gestures in love are much more attractive, effective and valuable then words. Gone are the days when people used to sing Its only words, and words are all I have, to take your heart away. And for your self-respect, stop daydreaming while hitting online! Be genuine!

“Hey you look good! Can I get along?” as they say it, It’s actually more stupid than how it sounds here. This won’t even qualify you on pick-up lines. WTH for heaven’s sake people! Get over yourself!

Although being a complete narcissist, there are some things out of my understanding. If I were to lay people down by my hotness hypnosis, why am I not PAID to look good?

“Love Story”

{just play the song and read along}

 ***

We were both young, when I first saw you.
I close my eyes and the flashback starts-
I’m standing there, on a balcony in summer air.

I see the lights; see the party, the ball gowns.
I see you make your way through the crowd-
You say hello, little did I know…

That you were Romeo, you were throwing pebbles-
And my daddy said “stay away from Juliet”-
And I was crying on the staircase-
begging you, “Please don’t go…”
And I said…

Romeo take me somewhere, we can be alone.
I’ll be waiting; all there’s left to do is run.
You’ll be the prince and I’ll be the princess,
It’s a love story, baby, just say yes.

So I sneak out to the garden to see you.
We keep quiet, because we’re dead if they knew-
So close your eyes… escape this town for a little while.
Oh, Oh.

Cause you were Romeo – I was a scarlet letter,
And my daddy said “stay away from Juliet” -
but you were everything to me-
I was begging you, “Please don’t go”
And I said…

Romeo take me somewhere, we can be alone.
I’ll be waiting; all there’s left to do is run.
You’ll be the prince and I’ll be the princess.
It’s a love story, baby, just say yes-

Romeo save me, they’re trying to tell me how to feel.
This love is difficult, but it’s real.
Don’t be afraid, we’ll make it out of this mess.
It’s a love story, baby, just say yes.
Oh, Oh.

I got tired of waiting.
Wondering if you were ever coming around.
My faith in you was fading-
When I met you on the outskirts of town.
And I said…

Romeo save me, I’ve been feeling so alone.
I keep waiting, for you but you never come.
Is this in my head, I don’t know what to think-
He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said…

Marry me Juliet, you’ll never have to be alone.
I love you, and that’s all I really know.
I talked to your dad — go pick out a white dress
It’s a love story, baby just say… yes.
Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh.

’cause we were both young when I first saw you

 ***

Songwriters: Swift, Taylor Alison

-

Now if only this was MY Love Story!

Well, I don’t expect pretty much though, but how I wish, at least, my story should end more like this!!  

Chocolate cookie!  I am so in love with… Happy Endings!

***

It’s an A’s World!

20’somethings of June’08, I see a guy: Spiky, nice built and handsome handmany, with an “eh??” look (-> ) on his face. He makes me wonder “Dude!!! What’s on HIS mind?”

Well the place was Infosys Mysore, and the guy was none other than apna ‘Dodo’, ‘Dumble-dore’ (complete gym-lover), Mera Laal, ‘Adroit’ ||A||! (Yes! I will definitely sign his NDA after this post.) As it’s his Birthday today, I would like to dedicate him my webspace.(Yeah yeah.. I am sugary sweet!)   

Mr. A, he is r/w protected, can’t read/write anything.. Naeh! Too lazy for that, but always found singing Punjabi numbers, a complete bouncer for a non-punjju like me, but he keeps up the singing! Grrrr!

A chalta-firtaYM smilie!! Can make all those funny faces in one go! ROFL yes!  

A complete kiddo at chirpy times but a wise decision maker when it comes to life! Can effortlessly work his charms over girls. Hence, best described by me as a ‘Chronic Heartbreaker!’! One look he throws… and girls go head over heels after him. As if their souls are just tasered to the core!! I still wonder what’s wrong with all of ‘em? Okay! Belay my Last!!

Being silly together I’ve known his motto of life is definitely not to grow old with each passing day.. But to stay young (like a kid) deep down..!

Also we both are Effervescent! Completely!! Alien-talks (difficult even for us to make out what we are babbling about?) and all the detailed analysis that we do (making the best utilization of our office hours).. He has some stupidest AJs to add up every time, that are surprisingly witty enough and I too don’t come any odder! That’s when we go loco with each other.

–

33 Facts about Mr. A, picked up by the man himself!!

1. ||A|| doesn’t actually look after good-looking girls. He prefers neat and presentable girls. (ahem ahem!! neat.. are you sure? neat???)

2. Guys hate flirts.  (and ||A||?? likes flirts?? {Publicly declared affections!!!})

3. When ||A|| says he doesn’t understand you, it simply means you’re not thinking the way he is. (so don’t think if he understands you or not! )

4 ||A|| may be flirting around all day but before he goes to sleep, he always think about the girl he truly care about. (ow!! Now we caught you there… confessions any?)

5. When ||A|| really likes you, he’ll disregard all your bad characteristics. (This is what we call true feelings!! Great ya!)

6. ||A|| goes crazy over a girl’s smile. (a girl? A girl? “A” girl? <raised eyebrow>)

7. Guys will do anything just to get the girl’s attention. (and ||A|| does nothing.. he is damn sure he will get it anyway! Self-confidence!)

8. When you touch ||A||’s heart, there’s no turning back. (forward this to all! They should know about you!)

9. When a girl says “no”, ||A|| hears it as “try again tomorrow”. (LOLs… is that true?)

10. You have to tell ||A|| what you really want before he gets the message clearly. (Yes indeed!)

11. ||A||loves his mom. (mum da puttar!)

12. ||A|| would sacrifice his money for lunch just to get you a couple of roses. (Aise chote mote sacrifices toh roz he de sakta hai woh! haina!! )

13. ||A|| quite often thinks about the girl who likes him. But this doesn’t mean that he likes her. (ow ow ow!! So where is the list Mr. A??)

14. You can never understand him unless you listen to him. (We are all ears!)

15. If ||A|| tells you he loves you once in a lifetime. He does. (Hailla!! khule aam izhaar!)

16. Beware. Guys can make gossips travel halfway through the earth faster than girls can. (and ||A|| hate such guys!!)

17. Like Eve, girls are ||A||’s weakness. (!!! Oh em gee!!)

18. ||A|| is very open about himself. (is it?? Or is it not!! I doubt!)

19. It’s good to test ||A|| first before you believe him. But don’t let him wait that long. (hahaha.. Some gyan for girls by ||A|| himself!!!)

20. ||A|| hate it when his clothes get dirty, even a small dot. (because he had to wash ‘em all by himself here in Pune!)

21. ||A|| really admires girls that he likes even if they’re not that much pretty. (Now that’s very weird of him!)

22. If ||A|| tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don’t need to give advice … (Remember he is a body builder!)

23. A usual act that proves that ||A|| likes you is when he teases you. (Lollerskates!! Now this will not end here with this single line!)

24. Guys cannot keep secrets that girls tell them. (But he keeps.. is it?)

25. ||A|| thinks too much. (all wrong thoughts! I can swear on this.)

26. ||A||’s fantasies are unlimited. (LAWL)

27. Girls’ height doesn’t really matter to ||A|| but her weight does! (Did I mention he is gym freak?)

28. Guys tend to get serious with their relationship and become too possessive. But ||A|| doesnt! (Does that mean ||A||don’t get serious about relation? or he ain’t that possessive?)

29. ||A|| is more talkative than girls, especially when the topic is about girls. (<rolling eyes>)

30. You can truly say that ||A|| has good intentions if you see him praying sometimes. (I don’t know, I never saw him. Hence proved, no good intentions!)

31. If ||A|| says you’re beautiful, he likes you. (GIRLS.. now flashback your memories!)

32. ||A|| hate girls who overreact. (ow… I see!)

33. Guys love you more than you love them IF they are serious in your relationship. (AND he thinks he is one of those guys! JESUS!)

Kudos Kiddo!! Keep Rocking!

I adore you completely!

Of Confessions and more..

Oodles of thought over petty matters occupied me lately. Some undertakings, obligatory and inevitable both captured me instantaneously. As I sit to pen down today after so long, what can be more candid then my late realizations?  

My last few speeches, being acutely low context, were damn offensive, nay, no regrets.

Why is everyone moved by the wunderkinds? ‘Success’ is the most hackneyed word!

On a sober thought, although being an UPite (belonging from Uttar Pradesh), I never went for Kumbh ka Mela (Kumbh Festival).

My picture of a snap-gal is still incomplete! (I wanted to be clicked with LonelyPlanetImages)

Nevertheless, am still yearning for a new D90, the very first item of my To-buy list over past 2 years!

My dream place to photograph would be Paris? Spain? Cape Town, South Africa? Or it’s still out of this world!

But my dream place to shop is definitely Milan!

Why everyone needs a Future plan? I don’t know! I never wanted to be an SE and still I am, for months and for a year now!

Learning law as fun, but no Lawyers!

Year 08-09 ended with a lot of seen unseen changes in me. (Most cherished year till date)

I realized my biggest crush was actually love and lost it too.

My effortless moving-on time reduced to one single day!    

No episodic dreams over past 6 months or more. Change is dramatic indeed.

Regarding Money management am certainly not one of the wise decision makers.

It tickles while incubating the idea of opening a seafood terrace-restaurant by the beach-side.

It was astonishing to know that the (only) girl (in this world), my identical twin in thinking had undergone through the same series of mutations as I did. How can there be so much resemblance? Do Parallel lives exist?

My itchy feet still fancy a world stroll.

What is so funny about don’t-ask-don’t-tell jokes?

Guys can never express their love to the girl they really love.

I certainly am the Teenybopper of a seasoned age!

–

My writings do have a high fog index.

Oh so me!!

All these years passed like a swinging sway at some place unknown, with each back rise, an abrupt downfall and after a comedown, a surprising up rise… yet the curls of change screw us hard, may there be a reason or none.

Amidst these, I lived my life around a picture, and I tried not to change inside out!

Yea, fantasized is the word solely defined for me. As per Sigmund Freud’s theory, my Id (the uncoordinated instinctual trends of my psyche) was also employed with the same Pleasure Principle.  In his words, the id wants whatever feels good at the time, with no consideration for the reality of the situation. Dreaming day and night of my illusions was my involuntary acquired behavioral pattern. As they say, “When the id wants something, nothing else is important.” So dreaming… uh… Dreams that conveyed something; dreams that put me into long paused thoughts; dreams that kissed me high; dreams that dimmed me out; dreams that made me murky at times; dreams that ripped me low.  I was lost in zillion such dreams that completely haunted my desires. Desires of a child; desires of a teen; and now the desires of a major.

In subsequent years, getting across people, I ripened my ego! A few namesake friends and I stood utterly preoccupied in me myself! Never annoyed about other’s say; could never care less for the selfish world, but only for the self.  Conversed with those with the blues and ending the talk with my elongated preaches. Yes… that’s an intended act. (Yea… I know… it’s…oh em gee!!)

In search of a comfort zone, I searched for an alter ego. And I found a Zilch! As living such unconsciously, the majority of my experiences, the underlying emotions, beliefs, feelings, impulses and anything that drives me are buried in my unconscious. While buried there, however, they continue to impact me dramatically.

That is why, at any given time, people are only aware of a very small part of what makes up my personality; most of what I am is buried and inaccessible.

 –

Comment: by Lifehouse: get my song…

And it’s all
To the wind
It’s all
In our heads

And we break
And we burn
And we turn it inside out
To take it back
To the start
And through the rise and falling apart
We discover who we are